If you think you have a shame-based personality then the following suggestions might help you deal with this.
First … What NOT to do
1. Recognise that you’re being lied to –what they’re saying isn’t true. The truth is you’re a valuable and worthwhile individual. Choose to believe that this is true. Accept – and don’t reject – yourself.
2. Realise that it is pointless to argue against those who are in the habit of shaming, and putting you down. They don’t care about the truth - so save your breath; don’t waste your time.
3. Avoid the person who is shaming you as much as you can. You don’t need that kind of toxic person in your life.
4. Recognise and resist when they attempt to control you by embarrassing, shaming or manipulating you. Relationships are based on a healthy respect. You discuss and negotiate - you don’t try to control.
Second … What TO Do
1. Remember that “Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent.” When others try to dump on you, refuse to take it. Healthy people don’t dump shame on others. So, recognise that the problem is theirs – not yours.
2. Remove yourself from the influence of the shamer. That’s not a healthy place for you to be.
3. When you feel more confident. Think about confronting the shamer. Tell them (respectfully) that you’re not accepting that kind of treatment, then end the conversation and walk away.
4. Deliberately surround yourself with healthy people who can see your strengths and who will treat you well.
5. Notice and affirm your good qualities and strengths – and stop thinking of those lies that the shamer dumped on you. Focus only on the positives - and choose to LOVE YOURSELF!
a followup to the previous post I reblogged
